Feedback has long been a go-to tool for maintaining or improving organisational performance. That’s why time, energy and resources are invested into feedback processes, software and training courses. However, in many teams, feedback is a practice that happens a few times a year and people try to ‘get through’ it as quickly as possible. This not only incurs a loss of investment, more importantly it leads to missed opportunities for people to grow and an organisation to perform sustainably.

Why does this happen?

When conducting the research for my book Can I Offer You Something? I discovered that this is most often due to the reactions the word itself provokes and the ambiguity created when different things get packaged up as ‘feedback’.

 Anxiety and confusion

Reactions to the term feedback can vary a great deal. Some people are excited, but a common response is anxiety. That’s because people’s fight, flight and freeze responses kicks in. This sudden flood of chemicals stops people being present in the current conversation, instead looking for the quickest way to minimise or avoid the threat their system is perceiving – the anxiety of feedback. As a result, people try to rush through feedback conversations or avoid them all together, and all of this leads to the whole thing feeling transactional.

Since the concept of feedback was first connected to people in the 1950’s, it’s been through a myriad of developments in both name and approach. The word feedback has evolved into a catch-all term for directions, instructions, opinions, judgements, criticisms, praise and more. It’s no wonder all this leads to confusion.

Poorly executed feedback

Working as an organisational psychologist, I have come across managers believing they are exchanging clear feedback when the opposite is true. For others, in an effort not to come across as micromanaging or too direct, their feedback can become diluted to such an extent that it’s unclear what they are truly asking someone to do with their comments. This can result in managers feeling irritated that things are not getting done, that they need to repeat meetings or become concerned that their staff are focused on the wrong priorities.

For individuals on the receiving end, they too can be left feeling frustrated: frustrated that expectations are not clear, that they get told too late when something critical to their career development needs to change or told too few times, if at all, when they are doing a good job. All this can leave them feeling undervalued and demotivated.

In organisations where feedback is poorly managed, both provider and recipient can be left with the sense that feedback is being forced upon them or done to them.

A different way

As I found out in my research, what most people want is a relational not transactional experience with feedback. A conversation, based on a relationship, that provides them with the clarity they need to perform, has a positive impact and uses perspectives to leverage opportunities. This starts with leaving the word ‘feedback’ behind and becoming clear about what you are offering someone.

Here are 3 key steps that you might find helpful:

Your Outcome

Start by defining the outcome you are intending to share. Is it something that the person must action or deliver on, or are you simply sharing your experience of something that they can take or leave? Three of the most common outcomes that get muddled under the label of ‘feedback’ are when giving a direction, instruction or perspective.

If you know you want someone to action your comments, it’s better for all involved if you can be clear about this upfront rather than try to nudge people there. By becoming more intentional and clearly defining your outcome you will be able to choose the most effective approach for what you are giving, setting expectations clearly, minimising ambiguity and saving yourself and others unhelpful stress and anxiety.

Your Approach

Direction. Be explicit with your people that what you are asking them to do has to be done, but they have autonomy and support, if needed, to decide how it’s done. When giving someone a direction there is usually a consequence to the work, organisation or individuals if the things are not completed.

Instruction. Be explicit with your people about how something needs to be done, the process or steps that need to be completed. For example, this could be related to a process that needs to be followed in a certain way for compliance or safety reasons. When the process or steps are not followed there may be a detrimental consequence to the work, organisation or individuals.

Perspective. Convey how you see, hear, or experience things from your point of view. The person on the receiving end has the autonomy and choice of what to do with it, without concern of punitive consequence. A perspective is neither true or false, right or wrong, but it may be useful to consider for the good of relationships, wellbeing and performance.

The Human in Front of You

Once you are clear about your outcome and the approach you need to take to give you the best chance of achieving it, it’s time to think about the people in front of you. In my experience, people generally know how they best receive feedback and what their preferences are. But the vast majority have never shared their preferences with their leader or colleagues and likewise, few have been asked about their preferences by someone else at work.

For example, some people prefer to receive your comments in writing first so they can reflect, some want to talk about it and follow up with questions later. Your people know what works for them and so with one simple question to them you can get much of the data you need to save you time, energy and stress when sharing perspectives.

The question you need to ask is: ‘What’s your preferred way for me to share perspectives with you?’

Summary

Feedback is a provocative term that inspires anxiety and uncertainty, but this doesn’t mean people don’t want it. People want to contribute, to be effective and to have opportunities to develop in their careers. If we want to get the best out of our people, we need to stop giving feedback and start using perspectives. We need to put the human back in exchanging those perspectives and start using perspectives to create possibilities.