People often ask me how I can, as a 37 year old gay businessman, be both an advocate for gay rights in the workplace and also a self-confessed ‘bit of a homophobe’ at the same time?
It’s very simple, I’m a gay man and I’ve clawed my way to the top of three totally different industries (all of which were and still are hetero-male ‘old boys club’ dominated), kicking / biting / bulldozing over the ‘opinion’ that ‘poofs’ don’t belong there. I’ve succeeded by using hard work, determination and logic. I’m a huge believer that sexuality in the workplace is incidental, who slept next to me in bed last night is irrespective as to how good at my job I am. Now the homophobe bit, that works both ways… try and use your sexuality as an excuse – then I’m going to wipe the floor with you! We’re here to work and succeed, not be a stereotype and chuck the gay card onto the table as a get-out-of-jail free card.
I’m used to working in male dominated, chest beating environments where it’s ok to be gay, just don’t actually BE gay. I’ve spent my whole career trying to be the best I can be and not ever bringing my sexuality into the equation. When my clients ask me about my personal life, I don’t change my partner’s name / gender, I’m proud to be gay! I won’t lie about who I am or cover it up, nor should I have to. Yet, for many people this is how they feel they have to be to ‘get on’ in a business environment.
We live in an age in Europe where it’s ok to be gay most of the time. ‘Gay sensitivity’ is at an all-time high in the work place… everyone knows ‘queer’ is a bad word to use unless you are a gay. We all know that using the term ‘gay’ to describe the god-awful film you were forced to sit through last night is also BAD (unless its ‘Priscilla, Queen of the Dessert, then it’s actually just accurately descriptive).
My journey
At 24 I was a very successful Head of Global Development (Sales) for a US telecoms business. I worked between the UK, Europe and the US. I single-handedly signed, rolled out and managed four of its biggest clients (including the biggest account they had EVER had). I managed a globally diverse client base and large sales teams in seven countries over three continents.
Not once did my sexuality come into creating my success, it never sold a single client for me. For the first two years I was there I was in the closet. I was still as successful, but it wasn’t as fulfilling for me personally. How could it be? I had to dodge social events, went on my own to Christmas parties / summer BBQs, I couldn’t invite anyone round to see the new four bed detached house I’d brought – they would have met my boyfriend. I often wonder if I’d been ‘out’ sooner would I have been more successful? Who knows?
Two ‘straight lads’ from the sales team worked out that something wasn’t right and invented my new nickname… Princess.
Every time I answered the phone, walked into a room, got up to speak or tried to conducted a training course, the word Princess would follow every comment to me.
How did I overcome that, how did I get past it? Did I run crying and screaming to HR or the boss? Did I sit at home sobbing into a glass of Rose Moet (playing up to the stereotype, I’m actually tea-total), I could have done both, however, that would have made me a victim, that’s something I intend never to be.
So, what did I do? I got angry, I worked even harder, sold more new accounts, then when I was at 350% of my global teams target within months, I went into work wearing a tiara and informed them that I was no longer just the princess I was the ‘f****ng Queen of Sales’ and I’d have them fired it they ever uttered either word in my direction again.
Workplace culture
The key to making a difference, as business operators, owners, managers when you hear the scream ‘homophobia’, or you see it happening – ensure that the weapon being used to attack is actually not just the easiest and closest to hand. Also, ensure that the person being attacked isn’t just ‘playing possum’. We can all affect change within our businesses and the only way to do that is to ensure your staff know it’s fine to be gay, lesbian, transgender, transsexual or even a power ranger at work if they want to be.
Everybody must understand that is neither bad nor good, it’s not something to use to attack, nor is it a defence. It’s incidental and inconsequential and the more we make sure our employees, clients and suppliers know this, the quicker gay employees will feel safe, comfortable and welcome to come out to work.
